OK, so firstly Dads Time is not to be mistaken for of mixed up with “Dads Time” which hey may help you feel better about things as well. So feel free to do that as well if the mood takes you.
What is it?
How do I do it?
Is it OK?
The reason I decided to write this post is really quite simple. After the split of the ex Mrs DDT and myself, I was understandably upset as was she. We both knew we didn’t work together and that what that. However it was now about doing what is right for the kids.
I took this extremely seriously (and clearly I still do!) however I essentially broke down my entire social network and removed pretty much everything that I found fun. Sure I still went to the Gym, but that was ok it cost next to nothing and in my mind being physically fit, was something that would and will help my children.
Not only am I trying to be a good role model for their own personal health and diets, but also able to do more with and for them (playing / messing around / house work etc and if the need every arose protect them better).
However I stopped going out, I’m working a 50+ hour week and essentially, other than the gym had no time to myself, or with any friends. Pretty much any time I did have that wasn’t work was filled with either the kids, or sleep.
Over the following months, I began to become more and more depressed. But why? I had pretty much everything I needed, and didn’t want for much of anything. It got worse and I started seeing myself snapping at the kids and being grumpy and miserable and of little use to anyone.
So what did I do, I had to make a change. If you notice these traits in yourself, they are not healthy, in my opinion you need to look at yourself and the track you are on and evaluate if its actually healthy as I did. I came up (well it’s not branded or anything) with “Dad Time”
What is it?
To be honest you probably don’t need me to tell you what it is at this stage, and I don’t think it’s a new concept. However some times we need to be reminded of things.
So just in case, “Dad Time” is TIME for DAD you need to set aside at LEAST an hour per week to yourself, doing whatever it is you would like to do. Note I say at least, because if you like me are working your backside off, then you will probably need a little more than that.
This time can be spent doing anything that will help bring something to your life that is a little nicer, brings a little more joy and fun and relaxation. This can be anything from Computer games to books, Porn to Pints, Time with family or friends. I would suggest the more adult contact the better. By that I don’t necessarily mean jump on every passing female, but interacting with other adults socially. Time down the pub or on a night out, or hobbies and other such things.
I spent time with adults all day and night at work, but rarely interact with them on anything other than a work level. I have found we NEED that adult interaction.
How do I do it?
Well as I touched upon a little above, essentially you need to decide firstly what it is that you would like to do……then do it! Sounds simple? Well hopefully for most people it is. However a lot of men don’t have or lose a lot of friends during the whole getting into the family lifestyle (I know I did).
So maybe start by building a few bridges, Facebook and other social media, are a great place to start message an old mate, Find an old pal, even set up a “reunion” anything to increase your social circle if you feel this is dwelling, is a great start.
Maybe you left the people behind you no longer speak to for a reason, so its time to branch out.
– What are you interested in?
– Is there something you would like to try?
– Do you have somewhere you’d like to go?
This is your basis. If you have an interest, get online and find some like minded people and start talking.
If you want to try something, find out more information and book it, or if its something a little more expensive, plan it and look forward to it. Use it to motivate you to work harder and for fecksake get excited about it J
Do you have somewhere you’d like to go……..then get up and GO!
Whatever it is, it has to be for you! Enjoy the journey, Enjoy the experience, Enjoy time with yourself and others! Avoiding sounding Cliché
“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love anything else?”
Is it OK?
At first I felt guilty, and i’m sure you will too! It’s natural. Spending your resources on yourself (especially when you don’t have a lot), instead of on your kids is something a lot of us will struggle with. However this has got to be weighed up and put into context. You don’t have to spend money to have fun and interact with people, and at the very least any money can be minimised with planning and care.
This also isn’t a case of taking things from the kids. If you’re stressed, grumpy, miserable and have a short fuse to boot. What kind of fun are you or your kids going to be able to have together, my guess is very little.
Think of this as more of a trade off, you may be spending X amount doing something for you, however in return you are coming back ready and refreshed and raring to go and have a better time with the kids. Allowing for more happier memories, no one wants to look back and be remembered as miserable.
Just remember to keep things in proportion. This isn’t a case of blowing a wage packet and saying “I needed the time off” its a case of finding ways to re-charge your own batteries and provide a better mentality in your own mind. If you need a holiday and to spend copious amounts or money to do this, then so be it. BUT you better be sure to earn them pennies before you do to make sure you don’t end up in more debt, or worse come back from this “Dads Time” feeling guilty / broke / more ran down and worse off!
Since taking time for myself, and planning what i’m doing and making sure I get a release myself, I have 100% happier! My kids are happier with me and I am able to do more with them. I have more energy and capacity to do things they would like to do, without it causing me to become more stressed.
The circle has been broken 🙂
All the best guys and girls…….is it to early to start wishing people a merry Christmas?